Fremtidens Synder

Det bedste ved fremtiden er, at man altid har mulighed for at sige ‘tak for sidst’ til den, uden at den kan gøre gengæld. Hvorfor i alverden skulle man dog vente på at fremtidens unge håner, latterliggør og overfalder én, uden at man bare kan grine og sige ‘ja ja, jeg har dog i det mindste fået min hævn’.

Mange mener det er umuligt, men endnu flere er godt igang. Når du passerer en bil der holder i tomgang (eller ser en udenfor dit vindue for den sags skyld), så ved du at ejeren eller føreren er ved at sige tak for sidst til de kommende generationer. Min første indskydelse er altid at hente en pose affald til dem, således at de kan smide det ud af vinduet med regelmæssige mellemrum under kørslen. Der er jo ingen grund til at begrænse den forurenende effekt bare fordi man er ude og køre. Så kan man se den lille kontorfuldmægtig Petersen, med sin store off-roader, der kan køre omkring 6 km pr liter benzin, sidde og forberede sig på at køre i brugsen. Denne forberedelse kan ofte tage op til 10 minutter, som bedst bruges i selskab med en bil i tomgang, hvori han sidder og snakker i telefon og gasser en smule op hele tiden så motoren ikke bliver kold. Man kan også se folk der er så begejstrede for at håne fremtidens børn, at de undlader at købe en isskraber, for så har de en ‘undskyldning’ for at holde med motoren i tomgang i 10 minutter, indtil bilens forrude er isfri. Eller lille fru Jensen som ikke har en smart sommerjakke der kan holde hende varm i den kolde bil, så hun går ud og starter bilen 15 minutter før hun skal afsted, så den er varm nok til at man kan sidde i den uden at fryse de første 11 sekunder af køreturen. Det er altid en fornøjelse at gå til bageren på en søndag morgen, for alle de små partikler i luften er gratis. Der er nemlig næsten altid 15 idioter der ikke tør gå alle 200 meter derned, så de kører, og lader bilen stå i tomgang mens de handler, for så kan den være en smule varm på den lange 200 meters hjemtur.

Helt ærligt : Tak fordi I urinerer på mit lille hjørne af planeten. Det er fint med mig at I vil begrænse jeres egne børn og børnebørns muligheder for at blive voksne, men behøver det at gå ud over andre end de kommende generationer som I tydeligvis hader så meget? Hvad i alverden er formålet med en stor sej off-roader når den vildeste tur er over til moster Anna i nabobyen, eller til brugsen 500 meter væk? Hvorfor pokker skal bilen startes 10-15 minutter før køreturen når I bare kan tage en jakke mere på? Og hvorfor i alverden bruge bilen til ærinder der er indenfor almindelig gå-afstand?

Kontorfuldmægtig Petersen kunne eventuelt bare være tilfreds med størrelsen på sine kønsdele istedet for at kompensere ved at vise hvor meget han hader naturen ved hjælp af en kæmpebil. Jeg vil dog sige at jeg misunder ham en lille bitte smule. For om 30 år, når hans børnebørn er ved at blive teenagere, så er der en god chance for at de ligger med  alle tegn på lidelse afspejlet i deres lille ansigt, og istedet for håb i deres barnlige øjne kan man intet andet se der, end altdominerende smerte og lidelse. Barnet er ved at dø, hvadenten det er af kræft eller andre forureningsrelaterede sygdomme, og med sine sidste kræfter kan det kigge på på bedstefar, velvidende at forureningen fra fortiden er skyld i at de snart skal dø i store smerter, og spørge ‘Hvorfor ville du ikke have at jeg måtte få et liv?”, mens gråden presser sig på i deres uskyldige øjne. Og med glæde i stemmen kan bedstefar så berette hvor fedt det var at have en stor bil, for man er nu engang mere mand i en kæmpestor 4-hjuls trækker end i en lille mazda, altimens barnebarnet henrykkes over fortællingen og dør under benovelse af bedstefars mandighed.

Man kan ikke idag sige at det er muligt at forbyde al bilkørsel, men hvorfor ikke hæve prisen til 50 kr literen? Det vil da sætte en naturlig begrænsning på folks lyst til at køre rundt når det rent faktisk var nemmere at spadsere. Og de ville dermed forgifte luften for færre folk. Og så kunne man sige at alt ikke-vigtig kørsel blev forbudt i områder med beboelse. Lidt ligesom med rygning, som folk nu er helt hysteriske omkring, hvorimod de farlige partikler fra bilos bare er en uheldig bieffekt når far skal køre til bageren.

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The best thing about the future is the fact that you can always make sure payback is coming to the future generations, even before they have bothered you in the slightest. Who on earth would want to wait for the children of tomorrow to come by to mock, taunt and assault you, without you being able to laugh a bit to yourself and think ‘Yeah, yeah, at least I had my revenge’.

Now, some say that it is impossible to do this, but even more knows about it and is well underway with their vengeance. When you pass by a car that is parked, but still with it’s motor running, you know the owner is aware of the possibilities to get even with the future. My first instinct is always to get them a bag of garbage, which they can bring along on their drive and throw out the window at their own leisure. That way, they don’t have to limit their senseless pollution to having the engine running, they can pollute more while driving too. No sense in pausing a nice pollution-effort. There, you can see little office clerk Peterson, in his HUGE pick-up truck, driving perhaps 5 miles pr gallon of gas, sitting in his car preparing for the 500 meter drive to the convenience store. These preparations, lasting anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes, consists in being on his small cell-phone, with the engine of the car running, looking out at all the admiring people who would love to own his car, and who all think he is so much more of a man than they are, being able to sit in a large car and even speaking on the phone. Or people who are worried about the fact that others don’t always admire polluters. So insted of laughing while their engine is running, they pretend they don’t own anything usable to scrape ice off the car-windows. So they have to start the engine 10 minutes before they leave, in order to heat up the car so the ice will melt. Or little miss Jensen, who don’t own a nice coat to keep her warm during a 200 meter drive, so she has to start the car 15 minutes before driving off, so she doesn’t have to feel cold for the first 11 seconds of her drive. And walking to the baker on a sunday morning is always a pleasure, since all the damaging particles in the air are for free. Somehow, there is always at least 15 idiots who seem unable to walk all of 200 meters to the baker, so they drive, and they leave their engine running while they pick up their bread, since the car will be a bit warmer for all the 200 meters back to the house.

Honestly : Thank you for urinating on my little corner of the planet. It’s fine with me that you want to limit the possibilities for your children and grandchildren to grow up, but why take it out on me? Just take it out on the future generations which you apparently loathe so much. Why on earth own a huge off-roader when the wildest drive in your life is to the next town, 10 km away, all along a nice well-maintained road? Why the devil start a car 15 minutes before you have to go, just so you won’t have to wear a coat? And why on earth won’t you just walk when your errand is within normal walking distance?

Office clerk Peterson could just be happy about the size of his genitals, instead of feeling the need to compensate by owning a huge car to show his disgust of nature, who cheated him in a matter of size. I will say, however, that I envy him a bit. In some 30 years, when his grandchildren are becoming teenagers, there is a fair chance that they will lie in a bed, showing an expression of great pain in their little faces, and instead of having the gleam of hope usually found in the eyes of a child, you can see nothing but pain and suffering. The child is dying, whether from cancer or another pollution-related disease, and using the last ounce of strength it will look at grandfather, knowing full well it is dying due to the pollution from the past, and ask “Why wouldn’t you let me have a full life”, while tears are coming to their innocent little eyes. And with joy and passion in his voice, grandfather can tell of the great pleasure of driving a large car, since he always knew he was more of a man when driving a big pick-up than when driving a mazda, all the while the grandchild admires the tale, and dies while feeling proud of the masculinity of the grandfather.

Today, you can’t logically ban all driving, but why not raise the price for gas by some 400%? It would naturally limit how much people would drive when it would be easier to walk. And they would poison the air at a slower rate than today. And perhaps ban all non-essential driving in populated areas – just like smoking, which have become the new object of hate, all the while everyone ignores the danger caused by the car’s exhaustion.

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